


I'm Not Here For You

by AnAngryRat



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-04-17 12:13:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14188731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnAngryRat/pseuds/AnAngryRat
Summary: Eddie and Stan are tired of getting noise complaints from Bill and Richie's room and end up striking an unusual deal.





	1. He's Going to Bite My Fucking Hand Off

Eddie Kaspbrak may have been too gay to see straight, he may have been a little too focused on his health, he may even be stuck in a time period he wasn't even there for, but he was not stupid.

Everyone on the third floor of the Anthony Hall Dorms knew that Richie and Bill were fucking each other. No one could prove it, not for lack of trying; Eddie and Stan had curtseyed knocked on more than one occasion to at least find something to be able to bring to the housing director. But no cigar so far. Just noises. And Richie’s smug smile whenever a girl leaves the dorm and he catches Eddie’s eye. Richie is too beautiful for his own good, Eddie thought every time this happened. Then he'd stalk off angry with himself.

This time though, this time it would be much easier to get the two of them kicked out (or at least separated, their neighbors in 33 say that they have to sleep elsewhere on Saturday nights because Bills apparently a screamer.)

Eddie rubbed his hands together outside their room. He'd seen them leave with a suitcase and come back with the same suitcase and Richie badly disguising some PetSmart bags three days ago. He was certain that they had an animal in the dorm, which was against the rules. Eddie grinned. No more disturbances from floor three will make his job easier as an RA.

He wiped the grin from his face and promptly knocked.

"Come in," Richie called sounding complete calm and unassuming. Eddie refused to cackle like a children's show villain. He opened the door. Something warm and slightly sharp dropped on his head. He opened his mouth, lungs expanding with air, the screech on the tip of his tongue, before he was tugged inside and the door slammed behind him. A hot hand slapped itself over his mouth and he was shoved inside the door.

Eddie’s eyes were wide with terror mirroring Richie’s and Bill’s. There was still something on his head. It moved and its tail gently slid against Eddies ear. The scream bubbles up and Richie’s hands tightened over his mouth.

"Don't," he said looking at Eddie, eyes dark and sparking with other. God, he was so hot. It was that thought snapping Eddie out of his surprised fear into boiling hot rage. Richie jerked back at what he saw cross Eddie’s face.

"Dude, grab Nutsack before Eighties Eddie bites my fingers off," Richie called his grip loosening. Eddie looked over at Bill who reached to grab the animal off of Eddie’s head.

"I t-t-tuh-told y-y-you, he was a m-m-mistake," Bill hissed, petting the partially obscured creature.

"Don't talk about our son that way!" Richie snapped back. Eddie glanced up taking on in Richie’s naked chest and the few hairs sprinkled there and the line of fur leading from his belly button to his...

A clang of metal broke him out of his stupor. He opened his mouth feeling vindicated. This was it! This was what this semester was leading to...but instead his stupid eyes shifting away from Richie’s stupid body caught two nymph like black eyes.

"Can I hold him?" Eddie asked before he could think. For some reason while Bill looked to Richie and Richie shrugging his consent, the line of dialogue on diseases that constantly ran through his brain was muted to the low hum of a dim television. The black and white rat appeared to float to him before being plopped down on his hands.

The little guy began to clean himself and Eddie made a small squeal that hadn't escaped him since Stan bought him the pastel pink version of Mabel's Sweater from Gravity Falls. He was so precious licking his little hands and swiping them over his big ole ears. Eddie could feel his cheeks stretching into a smile so wide it almost hurt it had been so long.

"What's his name?" He breathed taking a finger out to gently pet the rats back. He was probably gonna die from rat spit fever but goddamn it might be worth it.

"Nutsack." Bill answered. He seemed so far away. Everyone did. Eddie never got to be around rodents or animals in general. It was always about how the dandruff would affect his asthma. This was a first and he...he liked it.

"Why's he named--" Eddie stopped when Nutsack picked up a leg to clean his nickel sized balls. "Never mind."

Some silent conversation must have passed between Richie and Bill while Eddie was watching Nutsack clean himself efficiently and swiftly.

Richie placed a hand above Eddies head pinning him between the door and his bare chest.

"Eds my man," he started.

"Don't call me Eds," Eddie said tearing his eyes away from the beautiful perfect creature that fit in the palm of his hand to the horrible douche.

"How about we make a deal?" Richie continued like he never said anything.

Eddie got suspicious and pulled Nutsack closer to him. He mentally added his sweater to the list of things to be bleached after he finished worshipping the rat.

"What deal?"

"You let us keep him, and you have free range to pet him as you please."

Eddie gave Richie a bland look.

"How about I let you keep him if Stan approves," Bill and Richie paled. Stan was the mean RA. Or meaner you could say. "And," Eddie added, he could hear Bill repeat the word agitated, "you guys split up."

Richie leaned back and crossed his arms. His hips jutted out and Eddie had to run a finger against the rat’s soft fur to keep focused.

"You want us to break up?" Richie asked.

Yes. "No just to not have sex so loud me and Stan get complaints."

Bill was so red he looked like he might explode like a squashed tomato.

"O-oh," Riche said stepping back. Eddie handed him Nutsack.

"I'll be back in an hour to get Stan’s verdict."

"Wh-wuh-why an hour?"

"I have to bleach my body. Rats carry so many germs. I could die if a flea bit me!" Eddie explained on his way out. "He might be cute but he's also possibly deadly."

With that he shut the door and felt as though he'd failed his mission.

 

The door clicked shut after Eighties Eddie and Richie did not waste time turning to Bill.

"I want to fuck that adorable soft boy so hard and so long the only way he can get up is to fall down to my level." Richie told him.

Bill rolled his eyes. “Eighties Eddie?”

“Yes. Did you see his nose wrinkle in disgust?”

“C-cute.”

“Very.” Richie placed Nutsack on their nightstand knowing he’d shuffle off to Bill’s open bag of Ruffles. “He might last longer than the others. He’s got spunk and sarcasm. I believe it.”

Bill didn’t answer, and Richie turned to actually look at him. Bill was biting his lip so hard Richie reached up to gently tug it from his teeth.

“What’s wrong?” Richie asked.

“H-have you ever th-thought of dating s-someone else?” Bill asked.

“We’re dating?”

Bill pulled away from him and frowned. Richie hurt him. Richie shoved his hands in his pockets and pushed his slacks lower he couldn’t look him in the eye.

“I—” Richie started swallowing.

“It’s fine.” Bill said scrubbing his hat back and forth. “I kn-know you’re an open relationship person. B-but we…”

“We’ve never tried to date outside each other.” Richie finished nodding. “I disagree. There’s been Janet, Frank, Mia, Melissa, Shane…”

“A-and B-bill and R-r-ichie.”

“I don’t see the problem.”

“You d-d-don’t see it as d-d-dating.”

Richie scratched his chest. “Ah.”

“M-m-maybe we sh-sh-should see other p-p-people?” Bill mumbled.

Richie snorted and nodded his head. “Like you’re so selfless.” Richie snipped. “Who is it?”

“Stan Uris.”

“The _mean_ RA!” Richie threw up his hands.

Bill grimaced. “H-h-he’s han-handsome and d-d-draws me when he doesn’t th-th-think I’m l-l-looking in African-American Lit.”

Richie jerked between the two of them. “But he’s not gonna make a good Richie and Bill sandwich meat. Eighties Eddie was a better spread, Bill!”

“Wh-why are y-you st-still!!” Bill didn’t finish the sentence just gestured uselessly.

“Breaking up’s hard. If I can make it work in bed, we usually can make it work outside.”

“Just fucking accept it. We are no longer fucking anymore!” Bill screamed.

Richie stopped and stared at Nutsack rummaging through the chip bag. “We’re still friends?”

“Jesus Tap Dancing Christ!! Of course we are!!”

            Richie stared at him squinting through his glasses like that would make Bill’s meaning clear. “Can we at least have angry break up sex?”

            Bill’s jaw dropped, and he looked about the room thinking. “Y-yeah.”

            Richie gripped Bill’s shirt and dragged him close. “Good.”

            The kiss that followed was more of a biting contest, and the sex was bruising. Richie in the end, clean on his bed, listening to Bill hum Nirvana in the shower, watching at Nutsack who had stayed curiously on Bill’s bed the entire time, was empty. He was depressingly and disgustingly empty.

 

Stan flipped through his ornithology book eyes glazing over, from lack of sleep. He worked the opening shift at a Target. It was slowly cutting into his bird time and even his study time.

"Stanley," Eddie said from their shared bathroom vigorously scrubbing his hands after his half hour long shower.

Stanley closed his book and distantly wished for the wilds of Africa and all the different macaws so far away from his neurotic room. "Yes, Edward?"

"You have to come to room 31 with me to meet the two assholes dorm animal and then decide whether they leave or stay."

Stan blinked. "Eddie, you hate rodents."

"His names Nutsack and he sat in my hands cleaning himself with the same tenacity that I clean myself."

"Eddie...." Stan trailed off. They were paid RAs they could lose their job if admin found out about this.

"They'll switch rooms." Eddie finished snapping on latex gloves and a face mask.

Stan weighed his options. "Just fill out the form and send it to Admin."

Eddie looked at Stan covered head to toe in a poncho and pleaded. "Bill will be there and there's a good chance he'll be fucked out."

Stan's brain fizzled to life at the image. Bill was...popular. Stan refused to be into him. He may draw doodles of him in his note book during African American Lit but that didn’t mean anything. But his cheeks red with blood flow and seeing those blue eyes glazed and orgasm sweet. He stood up. "If I'm not in love with a gross ass rodent we write down the incident and report it."

 

 

Bill opened the door for them shirtless and still a little wet from a rushed shower. Eddie barely noticed Stan going stock still behind him and rushed into the room. He made grabby hands at Tozier for the rat.

“H-hey,” Bill said pulling away to allow Stan into the room. Stan nodded his head and walked in avoiding eye contact. He’s never been more embarrassed for himself in his entire life.

“Yeah,” Stan muttered too late. “Where’s the rat?”

Bill shut the door behind him and Stan could feel all that hairless wet, hot, masculine… Eddie ran up to him holding a rat it’s bottom dangling and its tail swishing. Eddie was bouncing on his toes in glee. Stan choked on his groan at the cuteness but the other two boys in the room didn’t.

Eddie was too excited to notice them. “Look Staniel!”

Stan didn’t think he could get any pinker around the cheeks but leave it to Eddie to prove him wrong. “Cute, Edward.” A weight landed on his shoulder and Stan followed the arm up to Bill who was leaning on him. Stan wasn’t sure his brain could function this close to pure charisma. He was a fucking ginger he shouldn’t be so…

“M-meet, Nutsack.”

Stan looked at the bouncing balls of the rat as Eddie gestured for him to hold out his hands.

“I’ve seen bigger,” Stan muttered and allowed Eddie to sanitize his hands and place the rat in them. Tozier snorted from where he sat on the bed trying for nonchalance but even Stan could tell he was pissed. Over what, he couldn’t say. Stan didn’t know him that well. Bill shook with a near silent huff of laughter.

“Th-that w-would be a given,” he said simply. Stan bit his lip and pet the little rat. It looked up at him it’s whiskers moving this way and that. Stan saw a sparrow there. Then he realized he was going to let them get away with this. Fuck.

He sighed and handed Nutsack to Bill to get him off of his shoulder and to stop clouding his thoughts with sex because he needed to form a coherent sentence.

“Richie will stay here and,” Stan paused as Bill looked at him with those big old blue eyes. He blinked then continued. “…keep Nutsack. There’s a single on the fourth floor Bill can go for the semester until we can find him a new roommate.”

He turned to Eddie who was inching over to Bill’s shoulder where Nutsack currently sat. Eddie pulled back and wiped his hands on his poncho. “We’ll see how you like your new room tomorrow.” He said.

Richie stood up and tongued his cheek. “See you tomorrow, my little Eddie Spaghetti?”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie said recoiling from him then looking at the rat he softened. “Yes.”

Richie leaned over Eddie. “Eds-cellent.”

Bill groaned and covered his eyes. Stan watched Eddie turn so pink that he could see it behind the mask. “How dare you?” Eddie scoffed. “Come Stanthony, we have to be near people with better taste in puns.”

He stalked out grabbing Stan’s arm. Stan smiled at Bill as he was pulled into the hallway. “Be in the new room by curfew, please.”

Bill smiled back and Stan’s heart stuttered to a stop. “S-sure.”

Stan was pulled away before he could say anything to ruin the moment. Eddie is useful for one thing it seems.

 

Richie set the last of Bill’s things roughly on the floor. Bill just stared at the ceiling from his place on the bed. Richie joined him. It was comfortable despite the lack of glow in the dark stars.

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’m l-lit-literally less than f-f-five minutes away.” Bill answered.

“I’ll miss sex.”

“We can't f-f-fuck.” Bill said. Richie heard the bed shift and could tell Bill was looking at him. He chose his words carefully this time.

“Is this gonna change us?”

Bill sighed through his nose. “R-Richie, I’ll a-always b-be whatever you w-want me to be. C-cause we’re a t-team. W-w-we j-just aren’t r-r-romantically involved.”

Richie smiled. “Okay.”

Bill took his hand. “G-go get ‘im, t-tiger.”

“We’ll get them.” Richie squeezed his hand.

Bill didn’t respond and they sat until curfew staring at the starless ceiling lost in their own thoughts.


	2. Everyone Else Meet Richie, Richie...Everyone Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie meets everyone else and Bill is an awkward dork.

There was a knock on Richie’s door way to fucking early. It was Saturday, no classes and he spent all last night eating ice cream and watching a good chunk of the Good Place. He didn’t really know what to do with himself when not at work/class and all assignments are done. He usually would just make out with Bill. Or go out with Bill or go to a club or… He was bored.

He crawled out of bed, with only half a mind to throw on a shirt before opening the door. Eddie was there wearing just a mask and gloves paused mid-yawn with three other people.

“Wha…” Richie rubbed his face and fucked up his glasses. “It’s too early for this.”

“It’s one in the afternoon,” a blond kid said. He had a round babyface and was looking around paranoid.

Richie glared at him. “Fuck off, Penelope.”

“What?” a short red head said a laugh coloring her question.

Richie pointed to blondie, “Penelope,” then red head, “Molly Ringwald,” she flipped him off, he pointed towards the last unknown, a tall black dude. Richie raised an eyebrow.

“Mike.”

“Micycle.” Richie replied. Eddie coughed and Richie swung his head around to him. “The fuck they doing here?”

“We had a deal,” Eddie said crossing his arms and tilting his head just so.

Richie leaned in close to the short man. “They weren’t part of the deal.”

“Bev and Mike are also RA’s and will have probable cause to report you to admin.” Eddie said leaning closer. Richie smirked then dropped his head and backed away.

“Whatever you want, princess.” Richie told him gesturing them inside. Richie stopped Penelope.

“What’s he doing here?”

“Ben’s my slave.” Bev answered slinging her purse onto Bill’s empty bed.

“Stop introducing me like that!” Ben shouted around Richie. Richie flinched and frowned.

 I’m her boyfriend.” Ben said holding out his hand. Richie shook his hand wary. Eddie culled them into a circle and squirted hand sanitizer onto all of their palms. Richie watched his brain still fizzling with sleep before he remembered why they were here. He pulled Nutsack’s tiered cage out from their closet and picked him up.

“Next time you come this early bring coffee, please.” Richie whined handing Nutsack to Mike who was the closest.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

Richie pinched his cheek. “So cute.”

Eddie slapped him away and sanitized his cheek. “Don’t touch me after you’ve touched the rat.”

Richie nodded. Cute and paranoid. The group handed the rat around.

“What’s his name,” Mike asked when the rat reached him again.

Richie had fallen into the circle and was scratching his stomach tiredly. “Nutsack.”

“Classy.” Bev muttered.

“Look at him,” Richie said gesturing to the rat now cleaning his ears. “He’s got the biggest ratballs I’ve ever seen.”

All the males in the room sort of nodded in agreement. Bev just rolled her eyes. “Nate’s a better name.”

“Call him whatever you like, Nutsack will still be on the certificate I signed.” Richie told her.

“Someone needs to get you a vasectomy, god knows what you’ll name your own kids.” Ben shuddered at the thought.

Richie flipped them all off. “What wonderful people you brought to invade my home Eds.”

“Don’t call me Eds.” Eddie grumbled clearly not really paying attention as he picked up the rat from Mike. “So clean.” He whispered softly to Nutsack gently running a finger down it’s back.

Bev clapped her hands together. “On that note,” she turned and offered Richie her hand he took it. He appreciated upfront people. “Thank you for letting us over. I’d love to hang out again.”

She glanced at Eddie still staring soulfully into Nutsack’s eyes. “Maybe without the rat…but it’s time for us to go to our movie.”

Richie dropped her hand and picked up Nutsack from a dreamy Eddie and deposited him into his cage. “Cool. What movie?”

“That weird Indie one about rich people murdering each other.” Mike answered standing up.

Richie had no idea what he was talking about but he had nothing to do until the National Day of Homework (i.e. Sunday). “Mind if I join?”

“A litt—” Eddie started.

“Not at all,” Mike answered. Ben and Beverly shrugged. “It’s cool with us.” Ben said.

They turned to Eddie. He rolled his eyes so hard that Richie thought he might have sprained something. “Fine.” He said with great reluctance.

Richie smiled. “Sweet give me fifteen to go clean up.”

He grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom with an easy grin. Going to the movies with Eighties Eddie and co. was a good way to move beyond Bill.

 

As soon as the shower turned on and Richie began humming Rhianna Eddie was cornered.

“You _like_ him, don’t you?” Beverly accused poking Eddie in the chest. Eddie took off his mask and gloves.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

"Bullshit," Mike said stepping in to fill the gaps Bev made. "You made a longing sigh when he let us in."

"Seriously, dude, he even made joke names." Ben added.

"I saw you hide that giggle at 'Micycle' Eddie," Bev pointed to her eyes and back at Eddie. "You wanna tap that so hard."

Eddie shrank. He hadn't been this called out since the intervention about med school. He didn't go, clearly.

"He's fucking Bill Denbrough." The three seemed to back off immediately. Eddie took in a deep breath of air. "You know how perfect that guy is."

Beverly rubbed her arm looking apologetic. "It's just that he seemed so into you."

Eddie straightened. "He isn't. The reason I found the rat was that we were trying to find a good enough reason other than suggestive noise complaints to separate them."

Ben patted his shoulder. "Tough luck."

Mike rubbed his other shoulder. "That's rough buddy."

Eddie appreciated it, but now he had to spend an entire day with Richie flirting and his friends pity. He was less enthused about rich people killing other people now.

 

Stan braced himself before knocking. It was just another resident, not incredibly handsome, beautiful, charismatic, perfect Bill Denbrough. Bill who was to be admired from afar. Bill who was better than he'll ever reach. Bill who was definitely dating Richie. Bill who he couldn’t.... He realized that waiting was making his anxiety worse.

Stan knocked primly on the door. Bill opened it with a smile.

"S-Stan," he greeted. Stan nodded. Bill leaned on the door jamb waiting. Waiting for what? Stan didn't slap himself in the forehead at his stupidity.

"Glad to see you moved in." He said finally.

"It's n-nice." Bill answered looking around the room. "Miss the glow-in-the-dark stars, th-though."

"Sorry to hear that," Stan said awkwardly. Bill just shrugged.

"Now that you're moved in I have some paperwork to file," Stan said backing away from the awkward he was sure he created.

Bill leaned forward and grabbed his wrist. Stan flushed and hated himself.

“W-wait, I was th-thinking…” Bill said licking his lips. “Since were in the same class m-maybe you c-could tutor m-me?”

Stan squinted at him. “The teacher used your essay as an example literally last week.”

Bill bit his lip his cheeks filling with color. He released Stan’s arm to pull a pen out from his pocket. “I’ll t-tutor you t-then.”

He gripped Stan’s wrist and Stan couldn’t help but notice how long and delicate his fingers looked. Those would feel amazing pulling at Stan’s hair. Cold ink sank into Stan’s skin and he was pulled back into the present.

“W-we should meet at the l-library tomorrow at n-noon. There’s m-my n-number if you have any q-q-questions.” Bill said capping the pen with his teeth.

“Um...”

Bill didn’t let him finish just creeped back into his room and closed the door. Stan blinked at the room numbers printed on the bland white door.

“I have an ‘A’ in that class,” Stan whispered walking away. He had a movie to go to.

 

 Richie talked Harrison Ford classics with Beverly while they waited for the late-comer to join them.

“ _Working Girl_ will be the sexiest he’ll ever get no doubt about it.” Richie said crossing his arms.

“Bull! It’s definitely Han Solo. That swagger is to die for,” she said her face reddening with passion.

Richie threw up his arms. “Guys! Vote _Working Girl_ or _Star Wars_ who is the sexiest Harrison Ford?”

“ _Indiana Jones._ ” Ben answered.

“I gotta say serious business man who gives strip shows for his underlings is much hotter than vagabond.” Mike admitted.

“ _Working Girl._ ” Eddie grumbled.

Beverly whirled to face him. “I knew Ben would third party this debate but Eddie, I thought you were on my side.”

Eddie shrugged. “ _I’ve got a mind for business and a body for pleasure,_ will be the only pick up line that would melt a man to do the things he did in that movie and it’s…”

“Fucking panty wetting hot,” Richie finished for him. He slung an arm over Eddie’s shoulders. “The glasses and the overworked look is just sexier than a tall glass of water on a hot day.”

Eddie’s eyes rolled back into his head. “God, yes.”

“What has Eddie orgasming in daylight?” Stan asked walking up to them phone out.

“ _Working Girl_ Harrison Ford or _Star Wars_?” Beverly jumped in gripping his shoulders.

“ _Indiana Jones_ Harrison obviously. It’s a cross between the two, duh.”

Ben lifted up a hand and Stan returned his high five. Mike pulled out the tickets and broke them off for each of the group.

“Ready?”

The group nodded Beverly sticking her hand casually in Ben’s back pocket.

 

Richie was surprised how well he got along with Eddies friends. He wore on people after the first hour or so. It's why when he brought girls over he'd usually mention Bill and they'd stay for longer than a lay or two. These were friends though. Actual breathing people who liked him for whatever reason.

Bev matched him joke for joke. Mike absorbed his energy and used it to keep the group together in conversation. Ben calmed him with his squishy happy demeanor. Stan was a lumberjack in his forest and could chop his ego to smithereens with a well-placed sigh and a dry crackling sarcastic laugh. Eddie though, Eddie riled him up.

"Where'd you go?" The man in question said snapping his fingers in front of Richie’s face.

"Thinking about your mom from last night," Richie answered.

"Disgusting. You're a disgrace to the human race." Eddie groaned.

Richie pinched his cheek and muttered. "Cute, cute, cute!"

Essie slapped him away. "I could have let you walk back alone. I should have."

"You live here too."

"I would have waited for Stan."

"He was clearly too into talking Hawkgirl with Mike, and you know it."

"Yes, But..."

"Admit it, you like my company."

Eddie gagged. "Death by smallpox is more likely."

"God that's such a weird way to put it."

Eddie hugged himself and his entire face folded down into a frown. "Sorry."

"It's cool. I like that you say shit like that."

"Oh." Eddie held back a smile. "Cool."

Eddie couldn't lie for shit. He was clearly delighted. Richie grinned when they stopped outside the RA office.

"I got everyone's contact but yours Eddie Spaghetti."

Eddie made several grumbling noises while he pulled out his phone. Richie took it and typed his number in under LOML and sent himself a text.

"Thanks, babe," he said handing the phone back.

"Don't call me, babe." Eddie grumbled. He was fighting a blush. Richie rolled his eyes.

"I can't call you babe, Eds, Spaghetti, Cute, button, sweetie, sugar plum, Eighties Eddie, what am I supposed to call you then?"

Eddie fixed his pastel argyle sweater. "Mr. Kaspbrak, of course."

Richie snorted. "Shore, Eddie Spaghetti."

"Uhg...you should stop talking all that falls from your mouth is garbage."

Richie pocketed his phone. "Is it at least clean? Cause your mom certainly isn't."

"Gross, trashmouth."

Richie lit up. "Is that?" He put a hand to his ear and bent down so he was head level with Eddie. "Is that a nickname I hear?"

Eddie pushed him away and opened his door. "Beep, beep, Richie the trash collectors here."

Richie made a cooing noise as Eddie slid into his room. Richie didn't stop smiling all the way to his room.


	3. All Problems Are Solved by Puppy Piles

Bill watched Stan wander around the library looking like a lost bird, ordered and punctual yet out of place. He held up a hand and waved him down. Stan had his hair coifed in a part and was wearing a button down and slacks. It was very proper. Bill felt his spine straightening to compensate.

"William," Stan greeted sitting down. He pulled out a note book and the book that their class was working on.

"Y-you sure don't waste time."

"Time is better spent watching birds and browsing which type of cockatiel I would like to own after graduation."

"I s-see you're a cat man." Bill said dryly.

"Hah." Stan said matching his dry tone. "Where's your study material?"

Bill hadn't brought his book and had thought this was gonna devolve into a lunch or dinner date. He was admittedly underprepared.

"I-I'll use yours," he said with a smile. Stan tapped a pen against his note book brown-green eyes studying him.

"You don't want to study."

"No."

Stan put his materials away and leaned closer.

"What are your intentions?"

Bill had never really been intimidated before. He'd met Richies parents when they were making out on his bed. He'd been caught by cops with a bottle of booze under the Kissing Bridge. He'd been bullied and beaten but never intimidated. Yet here where the paragon of clean and professional met stock photos of business casual he felt the first tingling's of incompetence and needed to compensate.

Bill leaned closer and smirked turning the charm to eleven. Stan started to tint pink before he even started talking.

"T-to woo you with my m-masculine wiles, of c-course."

Stan licked his lips and the gesture was so unconscious and telling Bill couldn't help stretching his smile out.

"What about Richie?" Stan asked his brows furrowing.

"W-what about him?" Bill asked internally chuckling. The world seemed to revolve around his eccentric friend.

Stan's entire face frowned with his confusion and Bill resisted the urge to smooth out those wrinkles.

"We literally put you in another room because your sex was too loud."

Bill bit his lip and tried not to blush. "We're friends from way back and only friends."

Stan looked annoyed now his forehead frowns deepening to a V.

"Me and Eddie are friends and we've never fucked each other!"

"Look, Stanley, w-we lived in a small s-secluded town. We fucked b-because there was n-no one else but us. Now there's s-someone else. T-Time f-for us to look for new and b-brighter horizons."

Stan raised an eyebrow in such a perfect arc Bill was certain he had to have practiced it before.

"I'm the brighter horizon? Audra and Taylor wet their pants when you walked into the classroom."

Bill realized there was barely an inch of space between them and sucked in confidence he didn't have. Seduction was not his strong suit. Richie caught, Bill kept, then Richie pushed away. That was the cycle. He likes this so much more though.

"They don't have your ass in kakis." Bill whispered leaning and tilting his head intent clear. Stan frowned again but his cheeks were a hazy pink and he was staring at Bills lips.

"Good enough for me." Stan whispered right back and kissed him. Bill smiled into the chaste kiss as Stan pulled away a heated red now. Brighter horizons indeed.

 

It had been several days since they went to the movies and Richie was constantly texting Eddie pictures of Nutsack and sending him mundane messages like “If you punch a cookie long enough does it turn back into cookie dough?”

Eddie responded forcing himself to scowl and decided to ignore whatever feelings could possibly be having over this new development. He threw himself into Stan’s life while being both the most boring yet satisfying thing Eddie could ever observe. This time unlike that time in sophomore year when Eddie was determined Stan was a robot created by a nice Jewish family to replace their son, Stan was acting weird. He smiled at his lunch despite his salad touching his sandwich. He laughed at Eddie calling Ben a sweet soft squishy fish. Eddie watched him walk across the room to fold his clothes in perfect T formation. He didn't even complain about being unable to iron them. Eddies eyes narrowed.

"You're happy."

Stan paused midmovement then picked up again being unusually cheerful despite his permanently dour expression. "Happy? What gave you that conclusion?"

"you haven't bitched about your job in three days."

"Things might be going right." Stan answered easily continuing to fold his clothes.

"Bullshit. Who's giving you the D?" Eddie rolled over on his bed and pounded his fist against the mattress. "I demand to know!"

"No one." Stan put his shirts in his second drawer.

"Yet. Who gave you those hickeys?" Eddie accused.

Stan spun around his hand snapping to his neck and face flushing with color.

"Hah!" Eddie bounced to his knees.

"There's nothing there, is there?"

"Nope." Eddie answered smugly.

Stan sighed and sat down. "It's Bill."

Eddie gasped. "But--"

"He has a good tongue and is very good at persuasion."

Eddie pushed in and squinted at him. "You aren't easy to break Stan. The things that break you are the things that defy the laws of nature, like superhero movies. Not hot guys."

Stan held up a finger. “In my defense nobody with a stutter should be that sexy.”

“Don’t lie, you still wanted to fuck Colin Firth when he was in the _Kings Speech_.”

Eddie watched that distant longing look that crossed Stan’s face whenever Collin Firth was dropped.

“He just looks so good in a well-tailored suit.” Stan whispered.

Eddie snapped his fingers. “What did Bill say to get to your dick, Stanley?”

“He and Richie were basically fuck buddies. He thought now was a good time to split off.”

“That sounds like bullshit.”

“He also has really nice eyes and an _amazing_ mouth.” Stan sighed covering his cheeks.

Eddie sidled up to Stan. “I bet you…” he said leaning closer, “They are fucking right now.”

Stan frowned and didn’t look at Eddie. Oh. He knew Stan had a crush on Bill. When they were introducing the students to their dorm rooms he ran into a pole when talking to Bill. He knew they had a class together but…Stan was probably the most emotionally distant person he’d ever met. If he had an inkling of _feelings_ his world died.

“We could go check? I mean they might not be…” Eddie stood up. “I’m gonna go check.”

Stan remained stationary on the bed. “Alright.”

 

_20 minutes earlier_

Richie wondered when he became so popular someone was knocking on his door at four thirty on a Thursday evening.

“Whaddup?” he greeted opening.

“What the fuck Richie?” Bill answered with his own question. Richie leaned against the doorframe a smile slowly working it’s way over his lips.

“Long time no see.”

“You haven’t even text me in five days. That’s a fucking Tozier record.”

Richie scratched his leg with his foot and shrugged. “I met Eddie’s friends Saturday and have sort of been…”

“Distracted.”

Richie snapped his fingers and pointed at him. “Distracted.”

Bill slouched and he broke into a pout. “I’ve missed you.”

Richie opened the door further and let Bill in. “Hey, they’re Stan’s friends too maybe you can join in next time.”  
            Bill walked over and crashed on his bed and Richie crashed on top of him.

“That would be nice.” Bill grumbled tucking Richie’s head under his chin. They laid comfortable for a little bit.

“Wanna watch _Working Girl_?” Richie asked.

“Yeah.”

There was a knock and Richie muttered a low "come in" it was partially muted by Bill's shoulder but whatever. Joan Cusack was at her fucking best cutting off all of Tess' hair.

 

Eddie opened the door and paused. NutSack was sitting atop Richie’s head making his hair a literal rats nest and Richie was partially on top of Bill while they watched Working Girl. Richie gestured lazily for him to join. Eddie looked between the cuddlers and the rat then situated himself on top of Richie’s lap after scooping up NutSack.

He didn't realize that he had decided to stay until they all quoted "I've got a mind for business and a body for pleasure." At the same time. Eddie burst into laughter and Richie’s chest shook with his own.

 

Stan stared at his watch for umpteenth time in the last fifteen minutes. Eddie left twenty minutes ago and hasn't returned. Stan shouldn't be concerned. Eddie was a grown man...with the body of a fourteen-year-old girl. Stan grabbed his hair. What if one of the frats found him? Oh, god. What if one of the sorority's found him and decided he was their new gay best friend. Stan stood up and made his decision. He stomped up to room 30 and banged on the door. Eddie opened holding NutSack. Stan groaned. This motherfucker.

"Goddammit Eddie, text me next time!" Eddie seemed to blink out of his stupor. "Sorry they were watching Working Girl--"

"Wanna join?" Bill asked. He had crawled partially up the bed to look around Eddie. Stan swallowed looking at the line of his neck flowing into the opening of his tank top….

“Yeah.” Stan crawled over onto Bill. Richie barely moved seemingly comatose. Eddie closed the door and climbed back onto Richie.

Harrison Ford did the strip show for his office and Stan got comfortable. An hour later they put on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Stan texted Mike, Bev and Bill. They met Bill with some mumbled hellos’ and just melted into the floor eating Cheetos and sneaking one to Nutsack while watching Harrison Ford movies. Stan would later blame the slow, lazy gathering on midterms that had happened a week earlier but the true answer was they just kind of migrated together like geese.


	4. We fight, We Break Up, We Kiss, We Make Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A party, a social contract, an argument over nothing, a sex scene, the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go read sixteen weeks. It's super good.

"Where are you going?" Richie asked pretending like he wasn't watching Eddie dress.

"Out." He said shortly pulling a comb through his hair.

"Can I come?"

"To a club."

"I can go to a club."

"A twenty-one and over club."

Richie gasped and clutched his chest. "I thought we were friends!"

Eddie smirked. "Sometimes friends let each other go to clubs without them."

Richie scoffed and threw himself down on his bed. "Why are you even preparing in my room?"

"I had to show off my look."

White dress shirt loose and with a blazer and blue jeans. "It looks good." Richie liked the way the shirt hung off of him. "Very Michael J Fox and Back to the future."

Eddie bounced on his toes giddily. "Thanks."

"No problem."

"Hopefully, it'll get me lucky."

"Oh?" Richie said genuinely surprised.

Eddie slugged Richie on the shoulder. "Yeah, believe it or not I do have a libido."

Richie bent down to get into his face. "One you must have gotten from your mother if I remember."

Eddie put a hand on Richie’s face and shoved him away. "Beep, Beep, Trashmouth the trash collectors come."

"I certainly hope he has must be hard to work with a constant erection."

Eddie wrinkled his nose in that way that warmed Richie down to his toes. The feeling was interrupted by Eddie's phone buzzing. He walked over to check it and gave NutSack a small scratch. "Time to go."

Richie picked up the rat. "Have fun." He gently held him to his chest.

"I shall." Eddie said and walked out. His ass was fantastic in the skinny jeans. Richie frowned and grabbed his own phone letting NutSack crawl his way up onto his shoulder.

"Billington Denbrough here to sweep you off your feet," Bill answered.

Richie rolled his eyes. "Know of any parties happening tonight?"

"I th-think Junior is h-h-having one."

Richie bit his lip thinking. Juniors parties were fun but she always, always, asked them for sex. She said they were the best at spit roasting which was like okay. But...

"Think she'd let us in?"

"Y-yup. W-we're her f-f-favorites."

"You can't pay the price."

"Y-you can."

Richie pulled the phone away to hit it against his head. Fucking, Bill. He loved the man. But Bill definitely did not understand that he just whored Richie out. Unfuckingbelievable. NutSack gently pawed his face. Richie sighed. It was either be a whore or be alone in the room with his own thoughts (about Eddie touching someone else.) He put the phone back to his ear.

"-s-s-still there?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

 

Eddie crossed his arms and shifted lower into the couch. Bev had promised clubs but failed to mention a sorority party pregame. Eddie hated parties. They were beneath him. If Mike hadn't constantly kept his drink full, he'd be even bitchier. He took a sip of his screwdriver. Not enough orange juice. He still drank it. He scanned the crowd of drunk college infidels and his eyes caught and hung onto a dark pile of curls. That almost looks like.... he bounced his way out of mosh pit set in the front of the house and walked towards the kitchen his shirt pushed up slightly revealing pale flashes of skin. It also happened to be the same Pink Floyd shirt he'd been wearing when Eddie left his room an hour ago. Eddie set his drink down on another person’s lap and went to go find him.

He saw him in the kitchen giving Junior a hug his body almost bent in half to reach her 5 foot-nothing head. How did he even know JB Junior? She was a senior and head of the Alpha Beta Phi sorority. Richie's sophomore status could not possibly reach that high.

She turned to whisper something in his ear and he chuckled cupping her chin his hand almost covering her face. She flushed and shoved him away. Richie laughed. He looked relaxed. Eddie was...he didn't know but he wasn't happy. He was mad. The anger hugged his chest like a python slowly squeezing in.

Eddie stuffed his hands in his pockets. He'd had enough of the party time to go outside and wait for his entourage.

"Eds!"

Eddie kept walking. "Eds wait up!"

He moved faster. "Now you're just blatantly running away from me, and I'm hurt."

He caught sight of the door. His hand was on the handle he had it partially open when a long thin arm shoved it closed. Eddie turned around pressing his back against the door jam.

"Richie," he greeted.

Richie smiled his eyes becoming little half-moons that did things to Eddies withered old heart.

"Thought you'd be at a club."

"Got to pre-game somewhere." Eddie said as an explanation.

"Nice," Richie said still too close and too smiley. Eddie caught the sharp tang of alcohol on his breath and the bittersweet aura of weed. Eddie bit his lip and tried to hold it in but then there was Junior’s high pitched voice calling for Richie over the crowd. Richie's head whipped to try and find her.

"How do you know Junior?" He asked sounding like a jealous bitch.

Richie raised an eyebrow. "We met in the library last year. She was tutoring Bill in calculus."

"You close?"

Richie dipped his head to laugh and Eddie caught a deep sniff of his strawberry scented shampoo. He liked it. Three seconds later Richie’s eyes were cutting into him. "We may have fooled a little."

"I see."

"Don't be like that Eds. It was a while ago."

"Seemed like it might have been tonight."

Richie licked his lips and his eyes roamed over their surroundings. "Want to take this outside?"

"Shouldn't you stay with your--" Eddie flapped his hand. Richie opened the door ignoring him.

"Let's talk in private."

Eddie couldn't help but follow him across the yard to an abandoned spot under a small gazebo. Richie leaned back against the railing and crossed his arms.

"Me and Junior aren't anything. Me, Bill and Junior were what some would call friends with benefits." Richie said.

"She seemed pretty beneficial with you earlier."

"The only way we used to get into her parties were..."

"Were?"

Richie rubbed his nose and flushed deep red. Eddie flushed red too, but he was pretty sure it was because he was fucking pissed.

"Sex."

"Yeah."

"You did it this time too?"

Richie's brows furrowed into a deep 'V' almost obscured by his glasses. "Why do you care?"

"Why aren't you telling me?"

"If you're worried about it being something else it isn't." Richie snapped.

"I don't think you realize how infatuated she is with you.

Richie put a hand to his temple. "Are you fucking kidding me? Mine and Bills moto was "come for the Richie, stay for the Bill, leave because of Richie.""

"That's stupid." Eddie said. Why would anyone leave because of Richie?

Richie took three steps to loom over him. Eddie must have missed something because Richie flipped the switch from exasperated to pissed in three seconds flat.

"Believe it or not," Richie started. "People hate me when I talk too much. Wears on them until they leave because all that comes out of my mouth is trash."

Eddie was so angry at that. He couldn't process it. No one else is allowed to call Richie trash. That was his thing.

"I'm mad!" Was all he could respond.

"Why are you mad? I should be mad! You just slut shamed me!"

"Because no one should break up with you!"

Richie pulled away confused. "What?"

Eddie couldn't explain he just grabbed Richie and pulled him into a kiss.

"You're so full of shit." Eddie muttered between kisses. "Beep, Beep, Richie the trash collectors here."

Richie nodded pushing Eddie against the railing and kissing him deeper.

"You're funny," Eddie continued climbing to sit on top of the railing Richie seated himself between his thighs. "You're smart. And you definitely fucked Junior tonight but I'm gonna fuck your brains out."

Richie nodded letting Eddie control the pace and depth of the kiss. Good. Eddie wanted rough.

"I can get behind that.”

Eddie threaded his fingers through Richie’s hair and dragged his head to his neck. Richie got the picture.

"You're the hottest guy in the west building and I've wanted to fuck you since you and your "longtime boyfriend" got your first complaint."

Richie stopped his ministrations. "If you'd have asked before this semester we totally would ha--"

Eddie cut him off pulling at his hair. "I wasn't done."

"Sorry."

Eddie pulled him into a biting kiss. "Good. Now that I have your full attention."

Richie grinned. "You do. I was just thinking how lucky I was that you chose me before someone at the club."

Eddie pressed his thumb against Richie’s lip and used his hair to leverage his head up. "I'm still not done. You're talkative, and kind, and My friends like you and I fucking love that silver tongue of yours." Richie pulled Eddies thumb into his mouth and gently licked the tip. "Let's head back to the dorms. I want to be balls deep in the next twenty minutes."

Richie groaned and pulled away, so Eddie could body slide down.

"Hey, Eddie!" Ben called walking towards them.

"Talk to me later I've got things to do!" Eddie shouted back dragging Richie towards their dorms.

 

Richie wasn't sure what was happening but Eddie looking his best and shoving him onto a bed was like a dream come true. He also confessed feelings that Richie was so, so into. Halfway shitty night on the upswing.

"This is what your room looks like." Richie said getting his fill.

"On your knees." Eddie ordered.

Richie pulled off his jeans and T-shirt and followed his instructions.

"You're not very good at foreplay."

"I'm not very good at identifying emotions either so I think this will go great."

There was the sound of a drawer opening and closing. Richie put his head on his arms and watched Eddie prep, enjoying his slim body being revealed as he slowly stripped out of his clothes.

"You work out?" Richie asked. He was thin but not toned. Eddie was small but fit with a small definition of abs.

"I run."

"You look good." Richie told him grinning.

Eddie blushed. "I was supposed to be telling you how good you look."

"Thanks." Richie turned to hide his face. "You got any plans after tonight?"

Eddies warmth draped over him and felt a kiss placed on his back. "Probably take you on a date."

"Ah...just like the movies." The last word was slightly breathless because Eddie started tracing a finger around Riches entrance. "A fuck and a date."

Eddie pushed in and Richie had to flit through nearly a years’ worth of information to try and remember how to take a dick. "You're mine. This is the Kaspbrak way."

Richie started laughing before he even responded. "Your mom said the same thing to me last ni--" Richie didn't finish because he had to focus. Eddie was moving much too quickly. Richie egged him on, so he guesses it's alright. "Ah..." Richie groaned adjusting to the extra digit. It's been a long time.

"That's all I want to hear for the rest of the night."

"I thought you were interested in my personality."

"I’ve never talk about fucking your sister when you were three fingers deep in me. There's a sense of decorum you always refuse to see."

Eddie twisted in the right direction and Richie pressed his head into the bed and held back a moan. "You're right."

"Damn straight I am."

Richie had relaxed into the motions of Eddie’s spry fingers and began to roll his hips, enjoying the stretch. "I'll talk about my romantic excursions with your mother later."

Eddie removed his fingers. "Unbelievable." Richie whined. Eddie didn't appease him. "What did I just tell you?"

"I won't say it again. Please..."

Eddie shifted off the bed and Richie watched him and his bobbing dick. Walk towards his drawer. "I'm waiting on the magic word, Richie."

"Sorry, could you please?"

"Excellent." Eddie slowly rolled a condom on. Richie swallowed.

"Not to get on your bad side again," Richie said, "but you're going to have to stretch me a little more."

"Oh." Eddie said setting up behind him again. "No worries."

Richie relaxed and sighed gratefully when Eddie slipped inside him again. Richie moaned and let himself slowly relax. Eddie's hand slipped around to work his cock. Fifteen minutes later Richie was a puddle on the blankets and desperate.

"Eddie can you just fuck me already?"

Eddie didn't say anything. Richie started to turn and see if he was gonna stop but choked on his own spit when a full cock entered him apropos nothing.

"Wh-what the fuck!"

Eddie whimpered as Richie clenched around him.

"H-have you ever done th-this before?" Richie asked breathing through the stretch. He had to relax. Oh god it's been a long time. Richie reached for his cock and pulled on it.

"Not this deep." Eddie gasped. "You feel amazing."

"Oh god. You've never done anal." Richie groaned. Eddie waited patiently for him to adjust.

"It's not never done anal it's..."

"Not much of a top, are you?"

"No."

Richie sighed. "You're actually doing pretty good just slower on the insert next time. _Jesus_. You can start now."

"I'm afraid I might come."

Richie clenched experimentally. "Naw, I think you're good."

Eddie chuckled his head resting just under Richie’s shoulder blades. "That makes no sense."

"We've made it this far, fuck me like you promised then take me to I-hop like the gentleman you are."

Eddie started slowly grinding his hips not quite thrusting but at the start of a pretty good rhythm. "You're very persuasive."

"I said I was going to fuck you three months ago. We're half way there. I think you may be on to something."

Richie could tell he annoyed Eddie because he began thrusting with intent. Eddie gently placed a hand lightly on the back of Richie’s neck. "Is this alright?"

"Go right the fuck ahead" Richie said and moaned when Eddie pinned him and moved faster his fingers digging into Richie’s hip.

He was caught up in moans and grunts and a heat building low in his gut. He paced his hand on his dick with Eddies growingly erratic thrusts. So close... Eddie bent as close to Richies ear as he could. "I'm gonna date you so hard you won't look at anybody else again."

God that was so dorky but the stimulation of Eddies breath against his neck was enough to send Richie gasping over the edge. He might have also been laughing. Eddie made a small girlish moan and stayed heavy in Richie to come.

Richie was still laughing shakily. "You're such a loser."

Eddie tied off the condom and leaned over Richie to dump it neatly in his lined trash basket. "You're the one who wanted this in the first place."

"I'm cool with that lover boy." Richie said rolling over to cuddle Eddie. Eddie rolled to face him.

"Date you so hard." Eddie reiterated.

"I know."

"You'll learn self-worth if it's the last thing I do."

Richie chuckled pushing back Eddies hair. "I believe you."

Eddie looked up and kissed him. "Good."

 

Eddie was rudely awakened by Stan and Bill walking in on them.

"Oh Jesus Christ."

"W-way to g-go dude!"

Richie who was half on top of Eddie moved to finger gun Bill who was being shoved out of the room. The entire scene lasted maybe thirty seconds but would keep Eddie awake at night for the next few weeks.

"At least we won't have to tell the crew." Richie said when he saw Eddies face.

"I don't know if I can keep up with your ridiculousness."

Richie shrugged. "NutSack will smooth things over."

Eddie rolled over and poked Richie in the chest. "I came for the rat and will stay for the Richie."

"What about--"

"The Richie stands on its own merit."

Richie smiled beatifically. Eddie couldn't help but kiss him. He would stay for the Richie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still here.  
> Richie didn't fuck John Belushi Junior. They're at the diner and Richie is halfway through his chicken and waffles before he starts laughing hysterically.  
> "What?" Eddie asks carefully cutting into his california omlette.  
> "I didn't fuck Junior." He chokes.  
> "Why were you all flirty then?"  
> "I was comforting her because she was on her period."  
> "Oh my god."  
> "You were mad over literally nothing."  
> Eddie hides his face. "Oh my god."  
> Richie's laughter eventually dies down and Eddie peaks out from behind his hands. "It's still worth it."  
> Richie nudges Eddie's leg with his foot under the table. "Yeah. It is."


End file.
